The Midnight Hours With Me

I am at this Moment in the process of healing from molestation, exploitation, prostitution and lesbianism.  This sexual curse that has followed me around all of my life starting with being molested by my father and it didn't end there. He happened to be a Baptist pastor and his deacons and elders of the church put me into child pornography and it was too make money for the church I'm quite sure of it. It is like his church is a cult and people who are in his church has Stockholm syndrome for they have ostracized me for becoming a prostitute at the age of fourteen years old.  I have been protecting a very difficult secret and it's killed me emotionally,  mentally and spiritually until recently and I am a new believer in Christ Jesus.  I am ready to uncover and unravel this. I have become as sick as my secrets and tonight I vomited up alot of things that I have been holding in. I feel better although this isn't going to just stop! I'm well aware of this, however tonig...

It is the midnight hour and I'm always up at midnight and in the wee hours of the morning and in this midnight hour I am drawing the line in the sand to let out my agonizing silence! When I was a young child I would be sleeping and my father would walk into my room and he would molest me and force me to have oral sex and vaginal intercourse with him. It's as if he knew that I couldn't even sleep until the abuse was done and over with. It was torture to be in bed for hours and just fear and dread for him to come in yet in a sick way I have to say something really difficult to say. I actually had bodily reactions to his touch and it explains why my body reacts to someone who gives me a hug that I don't want to touch me. I have body flashbacks and I tense up. I remember when I was 8 years old that my body reacted pleasurably to having vaginal intercourse for the first time.  I have been ashamed and embarrassed and very closeted to when I experienced my first sexual arousa...

April 06, 2019 I am at this Moment in the process of healing from molestation, exploitation, prostitution and lesbianism.  This sexual curse that has followed me around all of my life starting with being molested by my father and it didn't end there. He happened to be a Baptist pastor and his deacons and elders of the church put me into child pornography and it was too make money for the church I'm quite sure of it. It is like his church is a cult and people who are in his church has Stockholm syndrome for they have ostracized me for becoming a prostitute at the age of fourteen years old.  I have been protecting a very difficult secret and it's killed me emotionally,  mentally and spiritually until recently and I am a new believer in Christ Jesus.  I am ready to uncover and unravel this. I have become as sick as my secrets and tonight I vomited up alot of things that I have been holding in. I feel better although this isn't going to just stop! I'm well aware of thi...